Half Life of Man vs Carbon 14

Philosophy rules the day as birthdays are observed, and sharing with Aretha Franklin and Elton John has always made me feel much more musical than I actually am. While carbon-14 has a half-life of 5730 years, mortals tend to have slightly shorter life expectancies. As Woody Allen once mused, I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying. With that said, I have recently been pondering what would be the minimum age I would accept as a guaranteed check-out? Knowing that the average US male expectancy is about 75, and tossing in the fact that I have already reached 45 and have avoided the usual knock-out punches that hit those younger than me, I would have to extrapolate that my average would be about 80 (sounds complicated and contradictory, but think about it and it is true...if I were 80, the average for those reaching 80 would be more like 89). I have decided I would accept 83 if it were offered. That means no chance at all of perishing sooner, either by accident, disease, nuclear attack, sharks or anything else. The only exception would be recklessly suicidal actions--you can't just keep stepping in front of trains and expect to survive, so no matter what the contract says, there need to be exclusions and clauses. 83 would give me a few good retirement years, a great chance at seeing some grandchildren, a realistic chance at shooting my age for 18 holes, and would even allow my lovely wife a chance to remarry if she were to find some old geezer, as she would still be young and hot by nursing home standards. Of course, there would need to be some assurances of no catastrophic illness or injury, as I don't want to reach 83 in a vegetative state from 75 on. I would guess that the age you would accept might depend on factors such as your current age (a reckless 19 year-old might agree to 62), your state of health (if you are already on the downslope, you might accept a low offer) and your family history (if your ancestors all reached 90, you might hold out for a similar bid...but if mom, dad and the grandfolks all checked out early, 72 might seem ancient). So there you have it, your topic for discussion at the dinner table. With politics, sex and religion off-limit, why not focus on dying? Since it is also Mary's birthday, I will have to ask her what offer she'd take (women live longer, so I'd guess 86). Again, I'm not saying I would be happy to die at 83, since I do believe that 45 is really my half-life, but if I could have absolute assurance that nothing could happen to me before 83, I'd take the deal, Howie. Think of the money you would save on life insurance premiums.